how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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