No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
