Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
