i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
