dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My vagina just recognized that song.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
