Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
someone threw a dead crab at me
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
