We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
