i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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