Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
