I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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