Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
