Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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