Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
3pm strippers are depressing
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
