he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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