just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
