i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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