he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
