I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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