What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
