his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
