I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
