Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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