So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
