All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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