What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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