you would pick up someone in the library
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
