i permit you to call me
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
