he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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