their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
