just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
