We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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