so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
