My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
