My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I wish you could order shots online.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
