around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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