Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
