I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
