Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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