Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
