i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
