There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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