you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
