don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
