I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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