I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
