Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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