Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
