Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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