You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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