in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
