I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
