at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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