I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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