I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
