Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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