Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
