My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize