singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
