unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
