i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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