Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
