It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
