Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize