Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
