My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize