thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize