Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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