I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
ttyl tear gas
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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