my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
