I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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