Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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