so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
