So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
