So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
