you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
