I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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