I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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