apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
