I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
soo... how was my night?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
