hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
