Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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