yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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