JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just want nice things and good sex
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
