he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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