I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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