VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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