apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Randomize
