yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
