true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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