The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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