everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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