his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
