ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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