remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
