I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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