Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
