You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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