to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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