So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
