By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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