You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
not ubering you a puppy
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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