i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm having to shit out rocks
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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