k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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