Swine flu. Run for my life!
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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