i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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