i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
