I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
