Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
