the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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