turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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