I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
